When I saw my teacher this weekend, she commented that it is difficult to maintain the positive inner attitude when one is in an environment where people are debilitated, and dying with somewhat monotonous regularity.
I felt that this was a sobering observation, and will take a good deal of pondering. After all, much of my work over the last six years has been aimed at understanding how to create physical inner conditions to overcome negativity. It appears nonetheless that the emotions -- that is, our ordinary emotions, which are part of the standard equipment this body comes with -- may never acquire complete immunity from the difficulties imposed by the observation of reality in experience.
This stands in direct contrast to an energy process that can draw in material and fill the Being in such a way that negativity is unable to arise. That process is definitely possible, but as we are today, even if the process is known, even if the method is understood, it is not permanent and it is not invulnerable.
Perhaps it is possible to reach a point where our ordinary emotional state does not feel negative towards the prospect of death. I do not know the answer to this question. I have seen an awful lot of theoretical statements about it over the years. None of them seem to be much more than that, because for every single human being, the experience of death and all of the ideas that surround it are completely subjective until we come up against it ourselves. That is the proving place, the point where we are tested. Watching the person who trained me and empowered me to undertake my own work come up against this point, and seeing the very sober truths that she is confronting in regard to it, gives me pause.
The only thing that leads me to believe that even this can be overcome is that I used to have a terrible fear of death. Encountering states within my own being that did not admit of the possibility of negative experience or attitude changed me in the sense that I am not so afraid anymore. I started out my life afraid of dying, and afraid of losing my ego.
Those two things do not look as bad as they used to.
As I have mentioned in other places on this blog, I am reasonably certain that the whole aim of the inner work is to surrender the self in exactly the same manner in which it is surrendered at physical death before physical death actually takes place.
The effort to nourish a new kind of inner unity and fill ourselves with what is needed to achieve that is a mystery in progress. We will know where we are going when we get there.
For now, those of us who are interested can be satisfied with the fact that work is not only available, but also possible.
Taken correctly, every moment of this life feeds the growth of those extraordinary flowers inside each of us. To participate in the nourishment of each bud and to await those glorious moments when our flowers open to release their perfume and attract their pollinators is a magnificent thing.