Created by: Connor Thompson
Written by: Connor Thompson
(Cameos in order of appearance:)
HOMELESS MAN WITH CAR KEYS
PATIENT IN WAITING ROOM (2)
OLD WOMAN IN WAITING ROOM
OLD MAN IN WAITING ROOM
HOMELESS VAGRANTS (5-8)
PATIENTS IN WAITING ROOM (3)
(The scene opens during a beautiful summer day. Our view begins from on top of a lawnmower. We are almost ground level. We hear the sound of the lawn mower, but it is muffled. Almost as if we are wearing ear plugs. We see a the knobs and engine of a large standing mower in the foreground of the shot and only the light outline of a human body pushing the mower in the background. The screen shakes along with the camera as the mower bounces and rattles. The mower turns and slowly the camera begins to pan out and up. As MOWER MAN continues on, the camera follows on the horizontal line moving just as fast as the mower. MOWER MAN is a macho, buff man who is sweaty and dirty. MOWER MAN makes another turn on the mower.
As MOWER MAN turns, we are met by WEEDWACKER MAN. WEEDWACKER MAN is just as buff, tan, sweaty and shirtless as his mowing counterpart. Again, we hear the weedwacker but it sounds as though we are wearing earplugs. We hear someone yell in the background. It’s audible, but muffled. The camera begins to pan to the left and in the background we see a fuzzy image. The fuzzy image begins to walk towards the WEEDWACKER MAN. As the picture becomes more clear, we see that SHIRTLESS MAN is just as buff and rugged as the other two. He yells again, it is muffled, but just audible enough to hear. “I WANT TO FUCK YOU, GIRL’S NAME.” can be heard through plugged ears. Just as WEEDWACKER MAN pulls his ear protection away the camera rapidly changes angles…
CUT TO the hallway of a building on a college campus. A twenty something NINA is standing close to a bulletin board. Behind her stands a college-aged MALE STUDENT. As the camera angle changes and we are brought to the hallway, we see NINA’S body jerk awake. She has awoken from the daydream that we were just in. She is breathing heavy, immediately places her hand on the bulletin board and lightly balls one of the flyers in her fist. It remains on the board. She hangs her head as if to catch her self, and her breath. She is unaware anyone else is around. She was clearly having a very intimate personal moment. The MALE STUDENT reaches for the last number on the flyer. He scares NINA and the two share an awkward moment. He walks towards the camera. As we walks towards the camera we can see NINA, and though it is somewhat fuzzy, we are able to make out that she is having a small fit or rage out.
CUT TO facing the bulletin board. The camera is point of view from NINAS perspective. We focus on an unappealing flyer for an untitled way to make “up to $50 in compensation for an hour of your time.” It is next to a crumpled and wrinkled “Landscapers Wanted” poster. We are focused for only a moment when the NINA’S hand reaches for one of the numbers on the flyer. Instead, she grabs the entire flyer and rips it from the board.)
(We are brought into the GIRL’s bedroom. It is small, eclectic in décor and somewhat unkempt. She paces back and forth as she holds her cell phone. The camera is still.)
NINA: (Practicing into a cell phone.)(Beat.) Hi my name is Nina, and I’m calling for the job. Shit. No.
(Beat—each beat begins a new shot. Every shot, Nina is doing something different as she talks on the phone. She moves around the room sitting on the bed, a chair, the floor, etc. Her anxiousness is apparent. These shots come rapidly.)
NINA (cont.): Hi. My name is Nina and I saw your poster for the job that no one else wanted. (Beat.) Hello, my name is Nina-- are you still doing interviews? (Beat.) Hi, I’m actually calling for a friend who’s too afraid to… (Beat.) Hi, I’d like to place an order for delivery. Yes. A small cheese…(Beat.) Hi… (Beat.) (Defeated, she lays back on the bed.)(Beat.) (She dials a number this time. The phone rings.) Yes, this is going to be for carry out.
(We are brought out of the scene as the camera slowly pans out above GIRL lying on the bed.)
(We enter a small, eclectic living room. The lighting is dim. The air is smoky. The walls of the living room are covered in tapestries and various knickknacks. The furniture in the room is large and looks worn and comfortable. There is a couch where JACOB and CONNOR sit, sunken in and stoned. There is a very homey feel to this living room, though there is a juxtaposition of bongs and marijuana hand pipes that sit on the table in front of them. Candles and incense burn around the two college-aged guys as we enter mid conversation:)
CONNOR: Right, but the point that I’m trying to make is that restraining orders only hold you back if you let them.
JACOB: (As if piecing together a puzzle.) Which explains how you got the black eye.
CONNOR: False. I actually have this black eye beca—
(CONNOR is suddenly interrupted by the loud and boisterous voice of NINA as she walks down the stairs and enters the living room. Her dialogue begins off camera, but as she enters the shot we see that she is dressed as if she were about to go out for a night on the town. Though, in some fashion, she is still unkempt and not completely put together. She joins JACOB and CONNOR on the couch and joins the blunt rotation.)
(Off Camera) NINA: Whaddup, fuckasss!
CONNOR: Woah, look at you.
NINA: Yeah, you don’t have to say it, but I’m about to be the b-b-baddest bitch in this interview. (She sets sets the flyer onto the table.)
JACOB: (Picks up flyer) What’s this?
NINA: (Triumphant.) THAT is my ticket to a new work boyfriend.
JACOB: What’s a work boyfriend?
NINA: It’s someone of the opposite sex that you get really close to at work to the point that you do everything together as if you were a couple, but you don’t have sex (Beat.) for like the first three weeks.
(JACOB and CONNOR look at each other, and at her. They do not understand the concept of the “Work Boyfriend.”)
NINA: (Fast.) Okay, you know when you’re banging a girl and she tells you that she has a lot of “really close guy friends,” but that you don’t need to worry when she stays the night at his place and her phone dies because they’re just close like brother and sister but in reality she’s definitely banging him? (Beat.) It’s just like that.
CONNOR: Oohhh… (Beat.) But wait, Nina, you don’t even have a regular boyfriend.
(GIRL is now getting up to leave, as she walks out the door:)
NINA: Which is exactly the point.
CUT TO the two guys back on the couch. They talk:)
JACOB: Wait… does that really happen?
CONNOR: I don’t know man; I’ve never had a job.
JACOB: Do you see this flyer, man? (Holding flyer.) Dude, I’ve got a brilliant idea. Let’s you and I go--
CONNOR: I’m down.
JACOB: (After thought) You’ve never had a job?
(The camera begins on the ground. We are met by JACOB and CONNOR’S feet. JACOB stands on the right wearing pointed cowboy-style boots. CONNOR, on the left, is wearing worn-out dress shoes. The two pairs of feet walk down a busy city sidewalk in unison. We follow the two at this level for only a few moments before we slowly start to pan up and out, away from their bodies, revealing the rest of their “interview attire.”
JACOB wears powdered blue, pleated dress slacks, accompanied by a worn and stained t-shirt and ascot. On the outermost layer wears a worn-out blazer. His hair is now greased down. He is clearly intoxicated on an unknown substance. As he walks he pulls a fifth of Sailor Jerry rum from within his blazer pocket. He takes a large swig from the bottle and hands it to CONNOR, who still walks beside him in unison.
CONNOR wears cigarette-style dress slacks, a dress shirt and dickey. He too wears a brown suit coat or blazer. He has donned a pair of lens-less thick rimmed glasses and is smoking a cigarette. His black eye is now prominent in the summer sunlight. He accepts the fifth bottle from JACOB. He takes a swig from the bottle and then pours the rest of the alcohol onto his forehead, face, and chest as they walk. He hands the bottle back to JACOB.
JACOB suddenly stops. As he does the camera pans out and we see that we are on a busy city sidewalk, surrounded by people, buildings and a traffic-filled roadway. In the background of the shot there is a fuzzy image of a beat up car with hazard flashers on.)
JACOB: Wait…did you lock the car?
(CONNOR looks back at beat up car illegally parked on the side of the road. It is no longer fuzzy and comes into focus in the shot. Though it may have seemed as though the two had previously been walking for a few moments they are literally only foot steps from their car. CONNOR runs towards the passenger side of the car, opens door and leans across car to lock his door.
As CONNOR walks back towards JACOB:)
CONNOR: I can’t believe a place like this doesn’t have valet parking people right out front here.
JACOB: Thanks, Obama.
(Homeless man approaches the two:)
HOMELESS MAN: (To JACOB) Do you have any--.
JACOB: (Fast.) Oh, look this is perfect. You’re the valet, right? (Beat.) Connor, keys!
(Before the HOMELESS MAN can respond, CONNOR tosses JACOB the keys to the car. JACOB hands the keys to the HOMELESS MAN who is somewhat reluctant to take them. As the two walk away:)
CONNOR: Thanks man. I’ll make sure I’ll hit you with a tip on the way out, alright?
(The camera is now focused directly on the upper chest and face of the HOMELESS MAN. We see JACOB and CONNOR walk away in the background of the shot. As they do, the HOMELESS MAN holds the keys in his open palm. He looks down at them for a moment and then looks up and lets out a toothless grin.
CUT TO JACOB and CONNOR standing in front of the doors of a large building. On the outside, there are vagrant people gathered. Some look more pleasant than others. Some are clearly very homeless. We are behind the two as they talk:)
CONNOR: Uh… are you sure this is where we’re supposed to be? (Begins to put multiple sticks of gum into his mouth and chews vigorously. Through the chewing:) I was picturing like an office building or a TGI Friday’s or something…
(CUT TO in front of the two GUYS:)
JACOB: The lady on the phone said come to this address by 3:00 p.m. (Checks piece of paper.) Yeah this is it. Maybe Nina is smarter than we thought.
CONNOR: (Looks at watch.) And it’s 3:12. Perfect. We still have 3 minutes until we’d make a bad impression.
(The two walk through the camera shot and into the office building. As they walk out of frame, their car—driven by the HOMELESS MAN—slowly drives across the frame. Off screen we hear:)
JACOB: I’m pretty sure that rule is that you’re supposed to be 15 minutes early to make a good impression. (Beat.) Let me get some of that gum.
(CUT TO the front of the building just as the two have made it through the doors of the building. The sign above the door is now visible and reads BLOOD & PLASMA DONATION CENTER.)
(We are sitting in the waiting room. The camera shot is at the height of someone who would be sitting in one of the chairs. In the left of the frame there is a desk. Behind the desk sits a female NURSE. She muddles through papers, answers the ringing phone. Things are calm for a moment before JACOB and CONNOR walk in. Immediately upon their entrance we hear the reaction of the NINA.
CONNOR, the first through the waiting room door, heads directly to the NURSE at the desk. As NINA begins to react loudly, JACOB slowly and softly pushes her back into the chair she was previously sitting in. He attempts to pacify the situation, but the others patients sitting in the waiting room are clearly interested in what is now going on. The following all happens as soon as the JACOB and CONNOR enter the office and happens very rapidly:)
NINA: No, no, no, no, no. What the fuck are you doing here? (Stands.)(Hushed.) What the fuck are you doing here?
JACOB: (Hushed.) Just pretend like you don’t know us. Okay? We’ve never met each other before. You just stay calm. This is all for you.
(A few of the four other people in the waiting room are now focused on JACOB and NINA. As JACOB takes his seat two down from GIRL, we notice that her chest, neck and arms have become very red. She is lightly itching herself. )
NINA: (Directly to JACOB across the empty chair.) You two. You two are the reason we’ve all been waiting. This could be the job of my life, and you two are literally making me look bad before this even happens. (Beat.) Are you kidding me? How could you do this to me?
JACOB: (To the others in the waiting room speaking about NINA, exaggerated) Uh… excuse me? Do we know each other? (Hushed to others.) Must be her first interview, eh, am I right? (Beat.)
(As JACOB begins to eat cookie, CONNOR sits down in the empty chair between the two and pretends to not know who they are.)
NINA: (Aloud, but to herself) Did you just say peanut butter cookies? Oh…oh my god. That’s what the crunch was. (Looks down at skin and notices the intense rash that has developed.) Oh my God…
JACOB: (hushed to GUY 2) What did the nurse say?
CONNOR: (Exaggerated.) I’m sorry, sir. I don’t think we’ve met before. (Sticks his hand out for handshake.) Are you here for the interview as well?
JACOB: (hushed, frustrated. Aside to CONNOR) Dude, you checked both of us in you idiot. You’re allowed to know who I am.
NINA: (Scratching at her neck now. It is extremely red.) Good God, Connor. You smell like a bottle of rum! Are you kidding me? (Aggressively smells his suit coat.)
CONNOR: Excuse me, lady, but you can just mind your own fucking business. You and you (indicating JACOB and GIRL) are both being very rude right now. I’m here with just as much right as everyone else. I HAVE A RESUME TOO.
(As CONNOR progressively grows more angry, he begins to pull a crumbled, wet paper lunch bag out of his suit coat pocket as he carries on. As he pulls resume from pocket, his pack of cigarettes fall onto floor. Things have been written on the paper bag with marker, but they have now faded and the ink has run. He holds the bag in his right hand close enough to NINA that she takes it from him as he begins to pick up cigarettes on floor.)
NINA: Connor, this is a paper bag! (Beat.) I do not believe this is happening. (Hysterical now.)
CONNOR:(Picking up cigarette.) Can you smoke in here?
JACOB: (to the older, FEMALE PATIENT sitting next to him) Does this place drug test? I mean, I would hope so. Have you seen some of these people in here? Je-sus. (Attempts to dap her:) Good luck on your interview though.
(As CONNOR turns around to search for more cigarettes, he makes eye contact with a MALE PATIENT who has glasses similar to his. He is dressed very ragged.)
CONNOR: Right on, man. You’re a hipster too.
(At this moment the waiting room, the camera shifts focus to the NURSE who stands in the doorway. In her hands are a few manila envelopes and a clipboard. She announces to everyone in the room:)
NURSE: Alright, now that everyone has arrived we can start the 3 o’clock session. We’ll be taking the following patients back for the pre-test blood screen and information session. If you are a new plasma donator today make sure you have your state issued photo I.D. ready.
(The three sit in their seats still for a moment, and then look at each other. The three look terrified, and as the screen begins to fade to black and others are beginning to head back. Before we are completely out, we are able to get a good look at our three individuals. They now look like the homeless, vagrant people who have been sitting around them in the waiting room. NINA is red, itchy and inflamed. Her makeup has run on her face. JACOB and CONNOR progressively become more sweaty and unkempt. As the screen fades: )
CONNOR: So can I smoke in here…or…
(The camera is focused on the THREE as they sit, sunken in and stoned on the couch. We fade in on their smoke session. They sit in the same line up they were in while in the office. They are quiet. Ambient flashes of light come from behind the camera as the TV they are watching changes channels. Around them incense and candles are still burning. A cigarette sits in the ashtray on the table. Orange juice, snacks and wrappers sit on the table and floor around them. NINA is eating. As JACOB passes her the bong that is currently in rotation we see that his arm has a large iodine stain and bandage. GIRL, sitting to his left, accepts the bong and reaches for the lighter on the table which reveals a large iodine stain and bandage on her arm as well. She takes a hit from the bong passes it to CONNOR, who sits on her left. He takes the bong, and it is revealed that he too has an iodine and bandage on his arm. The following all happens with little to no exchange of words.)
(We are back in the Blood and Plasma Donation waiting room. There are only a few people left in the waiting room. An older looking MALE DOCTOR opens the door to the waiting room and announces:)
DOCTOR: Is there a Nina here for an interview? I hope I’m pronouncing that correctly.(Beat.) Nina?
(The screen fades to black. Credits roll.)