FROSCH: (enters and notices Frank asleep) Ah, the Director is already here! He seems emersed in his reading! (Pulls himself together; attempts military posture) I must make my report to him. (very loud)Director, I’ve come to report!
FRANK: (startled, leaping up) What happened? Oh, yes Frogg. Croak out your report! Come closer!
FROSCH: (confused, not daring to move) Should I come closer?
FRANK: Certainly! (Frosch takes two wavering careful steps) (Frank: to himself) That accursed champagne! Everything jumps around in front of my eyes. Even the Frogg is hopping! (aloud) What’s new?
FROSCH: Nothing Director. Only that the prisoner in number 12 wants an’eagle-laid’.
FRANK: What are you talking about – ‘eagle-laid’? Ah, perhaps you mean ‘legal aid’?
FROSCH: Ah yes, perhaps, sir! He is asking for an..Av-o-ca-do!
FRANK: An Avocado?.. You idiot. That’s an Advocat – a lawyer you fool!
FROSCH: I called the famous Dr Blind; somebody recommended him for something. (swaying) Accursed slivovitz!
FRANK: Why are you swaying back and forth like that?
FROSCH: (still swaying) I’m not swaying now!
FRANK: Accursed champagne, everything seems to be swaying!
FROSCH: (holding desk/chair) See Director, I’m not swaying now!
FRANK: Who said you were swaying? Accursed position to be in!
FROSCH: Nobody, Director! Nobody said so! (aside) It seems to me that he said it?
FRANK: Well Frogg, how do you like it here?
FROSCH: (leaning elbows across Frank’s desk) How do I like it? Very well! It’s very jolly. As a matter of fact, I’ve never been in such a jolly jail! Don’t you think so Director?
FRANK: Yes, you have a point; it is a jolly jail. (door bell) What’s that? I heard someone ring at the door.
FROSCH: (stands without moving) Yes, I thought so too!
FRANK: Look out the window and see who it is! (door bell)
FROSCH: Out the window? I’ll never get that far (staggers in zig-zag).
FRANK: Don’t let it be visitors now!
FROSCH: Two ladies are there!
FRANK: Two ladies, you say?
FROSCH: Well, maybe only one. I could be seeing double! Should I open up?
FRANK: No!...Yes!...I mean… No! (Frosch moves back & forth on the words)
FROSCH: They are very pretty ladies!
FRANK: Then open up! Why don’t you open the door?
FROSCH: I’m going already! What a pleasant situation! Two beautiful girls arriving already, before breakfast! I must say it’s a jolly jail. Jumping Jolly! (exits).
FRANK: If I could only get something down quickly…(discovers carafe of flowers, pours himself a glass and gulps it down)
FROSCH: These ladies want to speak to the Chevalier Chagrin.
FRANK: Chevalier Chagrin?
FROSCH: I already told them we have no one by that name here!
ADELE: But there he is, right there!
IDA: Dr Falke described the house perfectly!
FRANK: (To himself) Olga and Ida! That’s all I need! (to Frogg)Leave us alone!
FROSCH: At your service! A pleasant prison! Jollier and jollier! (exit) ADELE: You must be wondering about our visit Chevalier?
FRANK: As a matter of fact… I never hoped…so soon!
ADELE: We have something to ask you.
IDA: And my sister said, nothing ventured, nothing gained. As you seemed to take a special interest in my sister last night…
FRANK: Indeed! (gallant) I found you both very lovable!
ADELE: So I felt it was my duty to make a confession to you…
FRANK: Ho ho (to himself) Its getting very warm!
ADELE: That I am not what I seem to be!
FRANK: (gallant) You are completely enchanting, and that is enough for me my angel!
IDA: But my sister isn’t really an actress.
FRANK: What is not could well come to be!
ADELE: That’s just what my sister says, and that’s why I came to you!
IDA: You are such a noble gentleman, and maybe you could help her?
FRANK: In what way?
IDA: Well, as I said, my sister is not an actress…yet…
ADELE: Not even a beginner, so far I’m just a chambermaid at the Eisenstein house.
FRANK: A chambermaid? And you let me kiss your hand?
ADELE: My lips too!
FRANK: Don’t mention that!
ADELE: It will be our secret! But since you will be speaking to the Herr von Eisenstein, I have a favour to ask you.
ADELE: He knows I wore my mistress’s dress to the Orlofsky soirèe without her permission (sobs) I beg you, I implore you, to put in a word for me?
FRANK: So he will forgive you?
ADELE: Oh no! So he’ll let me keep the dress since it is so becoming!
FRANK: That is a little too much to expect! They will let you go on the spot!
IDA: Ah, if that’s the only thing, she has already let herself go!
ADELE: Because I had the idea I could let myself be developed for the theatre!
IDA: And that is where you come in Chevalier! I let just a fine gentleman develop me!
FRANK: I should have you developed? Yes, but have you any talent?
ADELE: Have I got talent? What a question!
Music No. 14 Couplets – Adele’s Audition song ADELE: I’d have the greatest success as a country girl, wearing short dresses; an innocent rollicking girl, I’d frolic about like a squirrel. And if a nice young man came by I’d flutter my lashes and sigh, through my fingers I’d peek much too timid to speak, I’d twist my apron strings, so coy; that’s how you catch a country boy and if he follows where I go, I’d say naively “No, no, no!” Beside him on the grass I’d sit, and then perhaps I’d sing a bit! La, la, lalalalalalala…….……la, La.
Surely you can see, surely you agree to waste such talent is all wrong with so much to show, so much to show, the stage is where I belong.
How well I could play a Queen, her Majesty so serene, bowing there, and nodding here, in all, ah, my glory I’ll appear! Courtiers paying homage bow to me, while I speak my royal part. Smiling I will rule so graciously, Queen of everybody’s heart
La, la, lalalalalalala…….……la, La. (Frank imitates drum and Ida imitates a trumpet)
Now you surely see and you must agree, to waste such talent is all wrong
With so much to show, with so much to show, the stage is where I belong!
I’ll play a lady from Paris, Ah, Ah, Who’s married to a French Marquis, Ah, Ah,
A handsome Count comes on the scene, Ah, Ah, to tempt me with an old routine, Ah.
For two whole acts I will not sin, but in the third, at last give in: When all at once into the room my husband bursts; it is my doom, Ah!
But he forgives me and withdraws, Ah, the curtain falls to great applause, Ah, Ah, yes!
Script page 165 FRANK: You certainly seem much too well-developed already for a chamber maid!
IDA: Will you help my sister develop her talent, Chevalier? (bell rings)
FRANK: (at window) I must see who that is! Good Lord, Marquis Renard! What’ll I do now?
FROSCH: (having entered) Shall I open the door?
FRANK: Yes…No…not yet! Now I’m completely confused! (to Frosch) Show the ladies to another room!
FROSCH: Number 13 is the only one free!
FRANK: Then show them to number 13! (bell rings again)
FROSCH: So they are to be locked up too?
FRANK: No! That is, yes! It’s all the same! Lock them up, but just get them out of here! What could the Marquis want here?
FROSCH: Would you be so kind ladies!
ADELE: Is number 13 your reception room?
FROSCH: Definitely! Oh we have quite a few rooms of that type, since some of our visitors do, that is, spend a lot of time.
IDA: Well then, lead on to number 13!
FROSCH: (offering an arm to each) Whenever you’re ready! Jolly jail! Jolly, jolly, jolly!
FRANK: Marquis Renard must be getting impatient! What shall I do? I’ll have to receive him, even at the risk of making myself a terrible laughing stock over the whole affair. (opens door).
EISENSTEIN: Can it be possible, my dear Chevalier? To find you here? Did they arrest you for disturbing the peace?
FRANK: Tell me first, my dear Marquis, what are you doing here?
EISENSTEIN: Well one might say I am at home here!
FRANK: Your at home here? I might better say that about myself!
EISENSTEIN: So? What did you do to get arrested, Chevalier?
FRANK: I haven’t been arrested!
EISENSTEIN: The devil! What are you doing here then?
FRANK: I have to tell you the truth! I am not the Chevalier Chagrin! My name is Frank and I am Director of this prison!
EISENSTEIN: Ha, ha! That’s wonderful! You’re a better joker than I am!
FRANK: It’s no joke! I am afraid it is the bitter truth!
EISENSTEIN: Go on man! You must be joking!
FRANK: You doubt my word? (rings) You shall soon be convinced!
FROSCH: You rang, Director?
FRANK: Arrest the Marquis!
FROSCH: Yes sir! Shall I put him in handcuffs?
EISENSTEIN: What’s the meaning of this?
FRANK: Let him go again! It was only a little joke!
FROSCH: Ah ha! Only a joke! Funny jokes! I say it again, this is certainly a jolly jail! Mighty jolly! (goes)
FRANK: Are you convinced? I hope you are not angry?
EISENSTEIN: I can’t very well be angry with you, since you have a perfect right to have me arrested!
FRANK: What do you mean by that Marquis?
EISENSTEIN: You can forget this Marquis business! I’m no Marquis! I am as much of a Marquis as you are a Chevalier!
FRANK: What are you saying?
EISENSTEIN: My name is von Eisenstein, and I have come to start my eight days’ sentence in jail! If you will be so kind, Director, as to show me to my private suite!
FRANK: Ha ha! That’s not bad! Quite a witty joke!
EISENSTEIN: What do you mean?
FRANK: I mean that just as I proved to you that I am the prison Director, so I can prove that you are not Eisenstein!
EISENSTEIN: I am not Eisenstein?
FRANK: Last night I personally arrested Eisenstein at about ten o’clock in his house!
EISENSTEIN: He was in his house then?
FRANK: Of course! He was sitting very cosily in his dressing gown, having supper with his wife!
EISENSTEIN: In his dressing gown!! With his wife!! (door bell; Frosch enters and passes through to outer door)
FRANK: They took such a tender farewell. Even I was touched!
EISENSTEIN: Tender farewell? No, no, that is impossible! And where… where is this Eisenstein now?
FRANK: He’s sitting in number 12!
FROSCH:This jail gets jollier and jollier! Now there’s another lady here!
FRANK: What did you say? A lady?
FROSCH: Yes indeed a lady!
FRANK: What does she look like?
FROSCH: She is wearing a mask, but from the way she acts, she must be pretty! I left her in the waiting room (Off stage right from anteroom)
FRANK: A masked lady? (to Eisenstein) You’ll have to excuse me for a moment! (exits inside to cells).
FROSCH: If I have to lock her up too I just don’t know where I’ll put her! (bell) Now there’s someone else! Never a dull moment in this jolly jail! (exits through anteroom)
EISENSTEIN: Someone else was arrested in my house, and is now in this very jail! Another me had supper with my wife! I think I am now absolutely sober. What I need is to visit myself in number 12! This is insanity!
FROSCH: (enters with Blind in Act 1 costume) Please wait here Doctor Blind! I’ll bring in Herr von Eisenstein! (exits to cells)
BLIND: W… What did that fellow s…say? He’d b…bring you? But your already h…here!
EISENSTEIN: That’s neither here nor there! I’m not only here, but I’m also there! What do you want here, you law-squeezing book worm?
BLIND: What d…do I want h…here? Y…You w…were the one who s…sent f…for m…me!
EISENSTEIN: I sent for you?
BLIND: I was expressly t…told that the H…Herr v…von Eisenstein wanted me at h…his s…side!
EISENSTEIN: Because Herr von Eisenstein is an idiot!
BLIND: V…Very likely, b…but…
EISENSTEIN: I don’t mean me! The other Eisenstein is an idiot! Wait! An idea! You must let me take your place!
BLIND: T…Take m…my p…place?
EISENSTEIN: Only for the appointment with Herr von Eisenstein! So I can make some detailed enquiries!
BLIND: Y…you always say the m…most confusing things!
EISENSTEIN: Then I shall resemble you all the more! I need you robe, your wig, spectacles and brief case! Forward march, you pitiful pusher of appeals, or I’ll strangle you! (pushes him off backwards to U/S anteroom and changes – hides back to D/S; Blind leaves by outside door and waits for the mob to arrive)
FROSCH: Dr Blind, here is the gentleman from number 12, who wanted to see you.
ALFRED: But I don’t see anyone?
FROSCH: That is very likely, after all he is Blind!! Accursed slivovitz! (exits to cells)
ALFRED: I must admit that this venture is beginning to bore me! Its daylight already, and not a soul appears to take any interest in me! Is that what I get for discretion? (Rosalinda enters from waiting room, through anteroom) Ah, no! I have not been abandoned! The divine one herself has come to console me in my dungeon. Indeed, how noble! How romantic!
ROSALINDA: This is no place to speak of romance! Listen to me!
ALFRED: I’m listening!
ROSALINDA: You must leave here as soon as possible!
ALFRED: Ah, yes. It had occurred to me to request that myself!
ROSALINDA: Any moment now my husband may show up; he must not find you here, especially in that outfit!
ALFRED: Quite right! He might object to my appropriating his dressing gown.
ROSALINDA: Even though he behaved in such an unworthy,… irresponsible,…
ALFRED: …Irresponsible indeed to leave me languishing so long in jail!
ROSALINDA: While he was having an amusing time at Prince Orlofsky’s soirèe!
ALFRED: At the Princes’? Oh, the rogue!
ROSALINDA: But nevertheless, my position is dreadful, and I don’t know what would help me.
ALFRED: Maybe the lawyer I sent for knows something?
ROSALINDA: A lawyer? (Eisenstein enters as Blind)
ALFRED: Here he comes now!
EISENSTEIN: (Aside) Ha, the faithless one is with him! Now to be calm and composed; I must find out exactly where things stand!
Music No. 15 Trio Script page 188 ROS / ALF: To make his petition EIS: I’ll kick this musician / Of this inquisition / from here to perdition / I’m in no position / explain our position / to make an admission / confess our contrition / we cannot retreat, we much be discreet; we cannot retreat, we must be discreet.
EIS: Now tell me please, your entire history; each crime that you committed, not one detail must be omitted; I shall takes notes and solve the mystery! It’s all exaggeration as you will surely see. ALF: There is some complication, to that I must agree
ALF: Some funny things have happened to me, since yesterday; while with this charming lady I dined, a little late I wrongly was arrested, and thrown in jail to wait.
EIS: Thank God, they were in time; so infamous a crime!
ALF: How dare you, have you gone insane? You’ve come here to defend me
EIS: You must forgive me I’ll explain! I cannot help but share your pain, so no more will I offend you: No, I’ve come here to defend you.
ROS+ALF: To criticise and not advise is most unwise; a strange surprise! You must remain quite calm and sane or nothing can be gained, so please remain calm and sane.
ROS: The whole thing is a mishap, and innocent of shame; but still it would cause gossip, and compromise my name; and if my husband hear it, he’d say I was to blame!
EIS: As I would in hi place; you should be in disgrace!
ROS: I think you must have lost your mind! You came here to defend us!
EIS: Forgive me if I seem unkind, my feeling sometimes make me blind, no more will I offend you, No I cam here to defend you!
ROS+ALF: To criticise and not advise is most unwise; a strange surprise! You must remain quite calm and sane or nothing will be gained, you must remain calm and sane
EIS: I beg you now to tell me all, details both large and small, omitting nothing you recall, did nothing else befall? ALF: Why do you ask a thing like that? ROS: Indeed!
EIS: Come now, do not stall, did nothing else befall?
ROS: Dear sis, what are you getting at? How can you ask a thing like that?
EIS: I need that information. Did nothing else befall? I need an explanation. What’s your explanation? ROS: Indeed! ALF: Indeed! ROS: Indeed!
ROS: It seems my husband’s point of view arouses sympathy in you – dear sir you may believe me: My husband is a shameless beast, a faithless cad, to say the least, so monstrously does he deceive me; he was carousing all night long with shady ladies, wine and song, indulging every pleasure, with pleasure! I’ll make him pay that gay roue, and if he dares to come my way, I’ll scratch his roving eye out first and then, divorce him at my leisure, I will scratch his roving eye out first and then divorce him!’’
ALL: I’ll (She’ll) scratch his roving eye out first and then, divorce him, with great pleasure, I’ll scratch his roving eye out first and then, divorce him.
ALF: Now you have heard the story through, tell us what we ought to do? Since her husbands gone astray, you must find a clever way we can make the sinner pay. EIS: That is the end.
ALF: What do you mean. EIS: You dare pretend ! ROS: What do you mean? Why do you make a scene?
EIS: You’re guilty, you should tremble, for vengeance shall be mine! You can no more dissemble, for I am Eisenstein!
ROS+ALF: For you are Eisenstein! Yes, he is Eisenstein! EIS: Yes! Yes! I am he whom you’re betraying, I’m the victim of your straying, but horrendously I will avenge myself!
ALL: It was (I am) he who was betraying, lied to me and went astraying, now you dare to talk about revenge. No defence / so Eisenstein / penitence / dear Eisenstein / you’ll see that revenge is mine.
ALL: Vengeance is mine, Vengeance is mine. Ve-ve-ve-ve- ve-ve-ve- vengeance is mine!
ROSALINDA: You think you can reproach me and carry on about infidelity, while I know all too well (thrusting watch in front of his nose) what time it is!
EISENSTEIN: My watch! The devil take it! I’d forgotten all about that!
ROSALINDA: Would you care to count the beating of my heart again, Marquis?
EISENSTEIN: You were my Hungarian Countess? Oh, what a fool I’ve made of myself!
ALFRED: Then you must be Herr von Eisenstein?
EISENSTEIN: Yes I am Eisenstein, the owner of this entire woman as well as that unfaithful dressing gown!
ALFRED: I return them both to you, most gratefully!
EISENSTEIN: You will give me satisfaction, immediately!
ALFRED: Immediately? Impossible! First you must be kind enough to accept also your position in cell number 12, of which you are also the legitimate owner!
ROSALINDA: What are you saying (Falke rings outside bell; Frosch crosses from cells to open door to street; Falke enters anteroom from main door)?
ALFRED: I said, your husband can sit out his remaining seven days! One was enough for me!
FALKE: (enters with Frosch from anteroom) Ah, I see we have already had our scene of reunion! (Frosch exits to cells)
ROSALINDA: Doctor! What have you done? (shouting from Adele & Ida O/S) FALKE: But Dear Lady, I have not yet done! Colonel! (brings in Frank from cells with Frosch in rear, excited and hopping; tries to attract Frank’s attention) ALFRED: The real von Eisenstein has discovered himself, and is burning to take his proper place, which I so unjustly occupied, in his cell!
EISENSTEIN: Never! I am not Eisenstein! Who will prove that I am? (the rest of the party mob and Orlofsky pass outside and are seen at the window(s))
FRANK: I should be very sorry to use force against my brother and compatriot!
FROSCH: Director, the two ladies in number 13 are shouting bloody murder!
FRANK: Ah! I had almost forgotten about them! Let them out, and show them in here!
FROSH: Jolly, jolly jail!
ROSALINDA: Who are the two ladies?
FRANK: They are not unknown dear lady! One of them you know especially well!
ADELE: (entering with Ida) Infamous!
ADELE: (to Frank) How could you let my sister and me be put in prison?
IDA: What have we done to disserve this?
FRANK: I beg your forgiveness. A little misunderstanding by this Frogg!
FROSCH: But Herr Prison Director? You said…
ADELE: Prison Director?
FRANK: To be sure, and as such, I ask you, (pointing to Eisenstein) Do you know this gentleman?
ADELE: It is Herr von Eisenstein, with my one-time mistress!
EISENSTEIN: What do I care for her testimony? I am absolutely not going to jail now!
FALKE: What with all these witnesses to your identity? (opens door wide and the mob enters)
FROSCH: Still more? It gets jollier and jollier every minute around here!
Music No. 16 Finale III ALL: The vengeance of the Bat is won, now let the victim share the fun, you’ve got the best of him tonight, he is a sorry sight.
EIS: I’m glad you are amused, but I am still a bit confused. Let me hear the story too.
FALKE: It’s the bat’s revenge on you.
ALL: It’s the bat’s revenge on you! So the vengeance of the Bat is won, we’ll let the victim share the fun, you’ve got the best of him tonight, he is a sorry sight.
EIS: Do not keep me in suspense!
FALKE: All this wild coincidence was my joke, at your expense.
ALL: And we were playing too. EIS: But the Prince? ORL: I played the game!
EIS: And Adele too? ADELE: I played the game. EIS (to Alfred) Your affair?
ALF: Imagination! EIS: But my bathrobe? ALF: Decoration!
EIS: What a joyful tale you’ve told me! What relief it is to know! Darling wife come here and hold me. ALF: Even though it’s not quite so, we do not harm deceiving, He’s happier believing. ADELE: Wait! What will become of me?
FRANKE: Why not stay in jail with me? Prison life is entertaining, and the best dramatic training!
ORLOFSKY: (Taking Adele’s arm) No the arts I my domain, such a talent I must train; that is my one obsession, chacun à son gout.
ALL: This is his one obsession, chacun à son gout.
ROS: Champagne in gay illusion, Tralalalalalalala started all confusion; lalalalalalala, it made my vision clearer, and brought my husband nearer, it brought me to my senses, and he has learned repentance. Let’s drink a toast: champagne shall rule the nation, the King of celebration, we toast his coronation!
ALL: A toast , a toast, a toast!
ROS: His majesty is well renowned, all around, let us sing, gaily we announce that champagne is crowned the king!
ALL: His majesty is well renowned, all around, let us sing, gaily we announce that champagne is the king
(Frosch can sing and drink too; at end he shouts out) A Jolly, jolly jail!
THE END: The curtain falls